I am aware of how much negativity I post in here.
Would like to talk/think about happier things more often, for once to know its ok to BE.
Shouldn't ...
need to ...
go and ...
what is ... about?
I got a friend who I talk to, try motivate him a little, for some reason he only notices when I go on tangents about nazi's and world conquest and other crazy shit.
To mention how that smile makes me happy, reminds that my creator also cares about me.
Seeing joy in that running about dancing etc, almost makes me forget my feet hurt.
The reminder to think of the one who cares most when I seek escape.
That ... don't know how to describe, gets me to participate in worship.
Then to think of the events/people that jump in, its not so much about relying on people as it is the way people expect me to not give a shit 'Praise God you were abandoned by you'r mother - God has put you through these things that we couldn't bear and you are still alive' etc
I have not mutilated myself in over a year, the thought of that one person seeing slash marks on my arms.
If you are reading this, please don't think I am trying manipulate you. Just want to convey that it is YOU that have helped me see some of what God is trying to get through to me.