Uncertainty will always be there, thats part of why we need faith.
People will always let us down, they don't want us to expect to much of them.
Testing is unrelenting, the process in itself is impersonal.
The past week has been a process of healing, unfortunately I find much of this is from tantric new age practices, the words are not cliched, the love is genuine.
This has not wavered my faith, but it brings into question the constant repetition of key phrases, concepts etc in the Christian community, it takes a long time to break through the jargon and hear people speak from their heart.
Why do we answer people with words that we do not have the theological background to explain? Why is it more common to list do's and don'ts then to affirm and reinforce the work god has been and is doing. To restrain someone so they do not sin, instead of love and educate them?
I myself become so arrogant at times, having grown up in a culture that suffers tall poppy syndrome and having some belittle my intelligence just because they can't be bothered trying to learn leaves me feeling more agitated.
The question of God's presence, of Christ's love is not an issue for me. That God uses others to teach me is not a problem. To feel some assume I can't hear God for myself makes me wonder how much the Gospel is really understood.
Ever since I was a baby I knew of God's love, of the gospel. It was in walking away from Christians and going into new age occultic practices I learned to again experience God and not let others dictate to me more superstitions and fallible religious practices (and yes I am referring to born again spirit filled christianity as often superstitious in practice).
I dream of seeing these two worlds brought together, not a syncretistic mix mash religion but the surety that the gospel is the center and not a marketing tool or a misunderstood concept used to mask other motives, people in relationship with each other and with God.